*IMPORTANT - I touch on a lot of subjects during this note and if your not up for reading a lot I advise you to stop now. If you are - I think you will find the latter things very interesting. I promise it gets better as you read. Please forgive me if I do lose you in any part of this - I received some bad news tonight and my mind was in 52 different places at once (I used 52 because that's the number my Mom always uses :D*
I closed my eyes tonight and had an epiphany. Well... many actually, but its strange what the twilight will bring to your mind. Often I have been curious as to what the world could accomplish if we required less sleep - I know many people who bring the best of themselves out at night (its as if we are all comforted by the shroud that the night has to offer - it lets us be ourselves regardless of how much of ourselves we are during the day to day). The only problem with this is that (for me at least) it seems to inhibit my ability to reach REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep most nights.
I'm not sure what brought on tonight's difficulties or realizations. Maybe it was the fact that my Uncle is in worse condition than ever. Maybe its because I don't feel great about my efforts at school. Maybe I want more out of my faith. Maybe my heart is telling me I shouldn't be following my pre-ordained path. Most of these were brought to my attention in the span of 5 minutes... back to back. Most can agree (at least I know my roommate Bob Kay has experienced analogous nights) that it is a difficult task managing all these thoughts in such a short time - but I guess this is my attempt (be forewarned... I might get confusing).
The thought process was as follows (The following is irrelevant to the comprehension of this note but is interesting to read - if not humorous).
My cousin's Dad is struggling with cancer. My cousin is an artist. I had a conversation with Tom today about artists performing best in the face of "depression". I wonder what this would spark for her. My Uncle's complications birthed "Time of Your Life" (check the other note). I wonder how I would express these sentiments through dance. Maybe I should do more artistic dancing, regardless of the limitations set by genre. Maybe I should be doing something more artistic for a career. I don't think engineering is exactly what I want to do. I want to do something in science. What about art? What is art? Art: The science of taking everyday feelings and providing a simplistic way of realizing these emotions and dealing with them. There are so many ilks (that was a vocab word from Junior year) of this science because people express things differently, hence: Dance, Painting, Photography, Writing, Theatre, etc.
Please excuse that if it perplexed you. That was just the process my mind took. You see - any ordinary time of the day, we are too focused to stop and let the mind run off. Or perhaps that is a glimpse into the unconscious. The unconscious is our [inactive] brain's way of telling us what we really yearn for. If this (and the fact that what our unconscious has to say is stronger than our conscious thought, and has more substance) is the case, then why do we depend on our conscious thought as much as we tend to? Carl Gustav Jung said: “Consciousness succumbs all too easily to unconscious influences, and these are often truer and wiser than our conscious thinking” (Mr. Jung was one of the predominant thinkers on the subject of analytical psychology). Based on this quote, we should be paying more attention at night than during the day. Most see the night as a time to relax, and while most think this infinite thought an obstacle; however, it should be looked at as our true desires. Maybe it is an art to be able to find what you truly want.
Regardless of this being our heart's desperate attempt to speak to us or just random build up that coincidentally fits together, this phenomenon seems to occur too readily (I guess that solidifies which of the two it really is). It should be listened to, and obviously (as God intended), happens for a reason. Now to piece my prior unconscious thoughts together.
When I heard about my Uncle Tony, I was really upset. Obviously, he is a family member and hearing about any loved one being in such pain is unbearable. He is also my Godfather, and while we may not have been the closest of people, that word seems to carry some sort of attachment with it. When I went to bed all I could think about was him. Then I thought about death. At the risk of sounding cliche, I arrived at the thought of school and if I was making the right choices for myself. I have been in a constant struggle with myself the past year and have been wondering if I chose the right direction for my life (if you know me well, I have this dream of being an entertainer. I would be filled with such ecstasy if I could have just one chance of performing my lyrics and dance for people and get people excited or inspired through them). I know my dream is in no way close to what I'm in school for (chemical engineering), and this made me think that if I truly wanted it, I would have gone that route. That thought never brings rest to the insane passion I have for writing, dancing, and (even if it is failing at it) singing. So when I was wondering if my decision was correct, it got me thinking about prayer. I started thinking about my religious life and realizing how trivial all of this truly is in comparison to what I can look forward to with God. My next thought scared me: am I doing all that I can to truly reach that ultimate goal? I went on: if I was doing things I truly loved, maybe I would be more at peace and have less internal turmoil to allow more focus on my faith?
All of these thoughts (while confounding and muddled) can be deciphered and linked together and I think that it can lead to a truth; don't ask me what truth, but I believe it will lead to something.
As demonstrated above, our thoughts can come in many different forms and can have a vast variance from one thought to the next, but again, they can all be associated. Looking back at my mind's puzzle I started off saying I'm sleepless. I then tried to diagnose the root of my "insomnia" by listing the things I was thinking about during my sleepless state. My next step was defining the process my brain took, looking for hints to solve the puzzle (Note: I didn't cheat! It's a valid method!). While writing the aforementioned out, I was curious as to why my brain was acting in such an "irrational" manner. I proceeded to rationalize it (if not to you, then at least to myself) as being the unconscious and defining this to further my understanding of the topic. After realizing that my prior musings were actually my legitimate feelings, I analyzed them to see how they related. What I found was that they are all separate concerns of mine, but they caused me to see things that I would not have seen otherwise. If it hadn't been for the news of my uncle, I would probably be dreaming of being James Bond (Quantum of Solace was great in my opinion). Since I received the news, I began to let my mind roam. This brought up the different thoughts and led me to my goals of this note:
1) I managed all of my thoughts for myself. I organized them so that I could see them clearly, determine their source, and ultimately, find a better way to fix the worries.
2) I remedied at least one of the worries - my faith. People always say you should listen for God's voice. I was always curious as to how I was supposed to hear someone that was in Heaven (that has to be pretty far away). What I have discovered (I will either convince you to think the same or to think that I am crazy) was our unconscious is what we truly desire. These desires are communicated to us through our souls (more commonly referred to as the Heart). Our souls are in direct communication to God [this is how he communicated the innate and universal laws that everyone believes in: it is wrong to steal, kill, be cruel, etc. and if you feel like debating or furthering this particular section, please see Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis prior to confronting me). So maybe if we listen to our unconscious {our desires [our heart (to God)]} then we can listen to God (oops I just mentioned that... please note: I'm using my sarcastic tone) and we can progress in our faith walk.
If you actually had the patience to read this, congratulations... You just sat through an abridgment of my auto-biography: finished before any major landmarks were achieved in my life. For those who didn't: You now lack the key to your life - the unconscious... the link to what you truly want - God.
I just closed my eyes and my unconscious is thinking about sleep... I guess I know what I want.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Master of a Mind
Welcome to my blog. I'm going to be using this to articulate some of my views on the many developments in the United States, as well as find out "what makes me tick".
I had originally never blogged; however, after the numerous conceptions (some may prefer the addition of the prefix "mis-") that were formulated after our recent elections, I found myself yearning to have a voice, and let it (attempt) to echo as far as it possibly could. My immediate thought - the World Wide Web. What other expanse can vastly traverse the tests of space? Here, there are no bounds. No bounds to the infinite wisdom, connections, and (let's face it) endless amounts of procrastonatory implements (Note to parents: I am surely lying. Our generation has only used the Internet for the sheer benefit of enrichment. Scouts honor. *Footnote: I am not a scout).
Now this "voice" is a newly developed one. Never have I hea... (I will, from here on out, be using the verb had at the risk of sounding as if I have no friends) had such a strong utterance from inside myself. Anyone who has known me from the preoperational stage (Wiki: Piaget's stages - I told you parents that we use this grand thing for betterment) would tell you that I, Erik Renz, was as shy as they come. I kept to myself and shied away from speaking in front of people... or doing anything in front of people for that matter (I know I'm not making it sound better, but I promise I do not live the life of a loner). As the years progressed I came out of my metaphorical shell and became increasingly open. I began the "art" (I prefer personal entertainment, although it truly is an art-form) of dance at the age of 15. It all started after viewing You Got Served (which I believe is owed an overdue and allegorical Oscar). I joined my school's dance team at 16 and started gaining a little more confidence. You can watch the progression if you would like at www.youtube.com/user/erenz88 - and believe me... starting from the first video I posted to the last one... I could not even begin to communicate how to develop that much (I'm also not conceited. Forgive me if I come off that way. Someone once told me that all dancers are ego-centric... hmm.). Back to the topic at hand... this prodigious voice that bellows inside of my soul and the cause of my blogging. Through my dance (and countless individuals who I would like to thank) I have grown an unprecedented amount. This growth has triggered the "voice" inside me and gone are the days of a young boy; to fearful to stand out.
Now that I've informed you of how I overcame my nOObish ways and became a teh awesome blogger (yes, teh - pronounced 'tay' - is a word and so is nOObish... urbandictionary.com: the wonderful world of defining this generations made up vernacular), I will delve into the name. It came to me last night when I was starting the blog. I was thinking, "Maybe I could dub myself a Mastermind and say 'The inner-workings of a Mastermind'. But let's face it, there are probably much more masterful minds in the world and I've seen the inner-workings title used far to often. After that I broke down mastermind... essentially, the Master of a Mind. I do actually have a purpose to it though. Through this blog, I am going to attempt to comprehend my mind and how I think. If I can accomplish this, then I should in theory have no limits. Why, you ask? Well, Franklin D. Roosevelt once said: "Men are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their own minds". Thinking in this way, one can only be limited if they are fearful of the mind. If one knows the mind, they have no fear of the mind. Ergo, one who knows his mind, has no confines to what he can achieve.
And with this my blog is born. I hope you all enjoy this; if not... well it's an opinion and I am protected under the 1st Amendment (as are you if you chose to disagree). I only ask that profanity be kept to a 0 Kelvin (excuse the Georgia Tech Engineering side of me - by 0 Kelvin I mean absolute zero).
I'd like to close with one final quote. It is by Oliver Wendell Homes (one of the American fireside Poets) and goes as follows: "The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size". If there is one thing retained from reading this, it should be to expand to larger ideas as much as you can. Never be fearful of the ideas not becoming reality. You should instead, be fearful of never letting the mind expand.
Thanks for reading,
Erik
I had originally never blogged; however, after the numerous conceptions (some may prefer the addition of the prefix "mis-") that were formulated after our recent elections, I found myself yearning to have a voice, and let it (attempt) to echo as far as it possibly could. My immediate thought - the World Wide Web. What other expanse can vastly traverse the tests of space? Here, there are no bounds. No bounds to the infinite wisdom, connections, and (let's face it) endless amounts of procrastonatory implements (Note to parents: I am surely lying. Our generation has only used the Internet for the sheer benefit of enrichment. Scouts honor. *Footnote: I am not a scout).
Now this "voice" is a newly developed one. Never have I hea... (I will, from here on out, be using the verb had at the risk of sounding as if I have no friends) had such a strong utterance from inside myself. Anyone who has known me from the preoperational stage (Wiki: Piaget's stages - I told you parents that we use this grand thing for betterment) would tell you that I, Erik Renz, was as shy as they come. I kept to myself and shied away from speaking in front of people... or doing anything in front of people for that matter (I know I'm not making it sound better, but I promise I do not live the life of a loner). As the years progressed I came out of my metaphorical shell and became increasingly open. I began the "art" (I prefer personal entertainment, although it truly is an art-form) of dance at the age of 15. It all started after viewing You Got Served (which I believe is owed an overdue and allegorical Oscar). I joined my school's dance team at 16 and started gaining a little more confidence. You can watch the progression if you would like at www.youtube.com/user/erenz88 - and believe me... starting from the first video I posted to the last one... I could not even begin to communicate how to develop that much (I'm also not conceited. Forgive me if I come off that way. Someone once told me that all dancers are ego-centric... hmm.). Back to the topic at hand... this prodigious voice that bellows inside of my soul and the cause of my blogging. Through my dance (and countless individuals who I would like to thank) I have grown an unprecedented amount. This growth has triggered the "voice" inside me and gone are the days of a young boy; to fearful to stand out.
Now that I've informed you of how I overcame my nOObish ways and became a teh awesome blogger (yes, teh - pronounced 'tay' - is a word and so is nOObish... urbandictionary.com: the wonderful world of defining this generations made up vernacular), I will delve into the name. It came to me last night when I was starting the blog. I was thinking, "Maybe I could dub myself a Mastermind and say 'The inner-workings of a Mastermind'. But let's face it, there are probably much more masterful minds in the world and I've seen the inner-workings title used far to often. After that I broke down mastermind... essentially, the Master of a Mind. I do actually have a purpose to it though. Through this blog, I am going to attempt to comprehend my mind and how I think. If I can accomplish this, then I should in theory have no limits. Why, you ask? Well, Franklin D. Roosevelt once said: "Men are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their own minds". Thinking in this way, one can only be limited if they are fearful of the mind. If one knows the mind, they have no fear of the mind. Ergo, one who knows his mind, has no confines to what he can achieve.
And with this my blog is born. I hope you all enjoy this; if not... well it's an opinion and I am protected under the 1st Amendment (as are you if you chose to disagree). I only ask that profanity be kept to a 0 Kelvin (excuse the Georgia Tech Engineering side of me - by 0 Kelvin I mean absolute zero).
I'd like to close with one final quote. It is by Oliver Wendell Homes (one of the American fireside Poets) and goes as follows: "The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size". If there is one thing retained from reading this, it should be to expand to larger ideas as much as you can. Never be fearful of the ideas not becoming reality. You should instead, be fearful of never letting the mind expand.
Thanks for reading,
Erik
I'm going for less cliche...
in my title to this Note.
I, my friends, am American. I don't mean the normal definition of your standard American. I am that definition: a man, homegrown in this blessed (I'm going for iambic pentameter so read it that way) country. But this is not the point. I am looking at a different meaning of the word American. It is well suited for the term "American" to have many different meanings - we are, in fact, the melting-pot of the world. Why not have a word that is just as diverse and multifarious as the people that form our great country. And while we all maybe from different places, just as all of our citizens are, we are all united.
As for the definition I speak of, I mean it in a wholly political fashion. Now you may be questioning me about how American can be something you ARE in politics, but let me interject an enlightening story. A wise man once told me: "In abortion... there is no black and white" (a wise man being Greg Tepper - very intelligent and a great guy, and once... meaning yesterday. I guess I could say back in the day... since it was a Wednesday). Now before you judge me for going against my Catholic faith or have pugnacious thoughts - consider this scenario. You are married. The love of your life is having your first born child; however, you've just been informed that one of two things can happen: You can save the baby and lose your wife, or you can lose the baby and keep your wife. I was once posed this question and it shook my faith a little bit. I sat in wonderment as I found myself not jumping immediately to "No Abortion". After considering myself in this tragic position, I responded saying that I would have to let my wife decide. WHAT? Isn't that the democratic view? Am I not supposed to be a firm Republican - no to abortion, no to gay marriage, yes to the Death Penalty... wait death penalty? Do we follow so far? There is no right or wrong in any of these situations - at least for our human intellect. If anyone knows the right answer, we have to look to Heaven and fold our hands, "praying" (yeah.. i just "played" that word... okay time to quit) that God will grant us with the knowledge of what his will is. Maybe we are supposed to know the answer, but as for me... all these issues have a gray matter in them. There is some ambiguity that limits us from making the correct answer 100% of the time.
Now I have eased into my definition. Remember the slight moment of split personalities I just experienced... Republican or Democrat. Well... since that fateful conversation with Greg, I have determined I am my own party. I am my own unique party. I make my own decisions and I try to choose what I deem the best for myself, and for my fellow countrymen (women - men here is all encompassing of gender - Thank you Judy Wright). Some may call this party the Independent party, but I think a more suitable name is... (you have to know what it is by now) American. I call myself a member of the American party because that party is what America was based off of. Freedom. One word that has an incredibly ambient voice. This party allows you to have the freedom of choice. The freedom to choose for yourself; to be yourself. It gives a person the opportunity to be socially Liberal and economically Conservative. It gives a young man hope that he can do anything - and that he has the power to make the things he desires reality, no matter how incredible or daunting it might be. This American party knows there may be differing opinions in its party, but it knows that without everyone in its party, it is nothing.
That is what we are. We are all Americans. We have the power to choose. We have freedom (and while we are on freedom, let's not forget the extraordinary and valiant souls that are defending that right as I type this). Whatever you may be, I implore you to be American. Not necessarily my definition of a party but, at the very least, a member of our Nation.
For anyone who knows me, my mind likes to jump around and I'm sorry for taking you on a brief tour of my reflections, but it links together in my mind and hopefully it links together for you. The overall message is unity. Remember who we are and where we came from and what we have fought through (reference Mrs. Ann Nixon Cooper - President-Elect Acceptance speech). I know we may not all agree, and I certainly don't agree with everything that Our newly elected President has said, but I see two options. We can all pull together and rally behind our President or we can do what we've done for the past 8 years. Be either negative to, and disrespectful to, our leader or devout to him. I know we've tried one way... and another wise man once told me: “Insanity [is] doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" (Originally: Albert Einstein, but passed on by my Dad).
Lastly: Thesaurus: Best thing to cure boredom.
I, my friends, am American. I don't mean the normal definition of your standard American. I am that definition: a man, homegrown in this blessed (I'm going for iambic pentameter so read it that way) country. But this is not the point. I am looking at a different meaning of the word American. It is well suited for the term "American" to have many different meanings - we are, in fact, the melting-pot of the world. Why not have a word that is just as diverse and multifarious as the people that form our great country. And while we all maybe from different places, just as all of our citizens are, we are all united.
As for the definition I speak of, I mean it in a wholly political fashion. Now you may be questioning me about how American can be something you ARE in politics, but let me interject an enlightening story. A wise man once told me: "In abortion... there is no black and white" (a wise man being Greg Tepper - very intelligent and a great guy, and once... meaning yesterday. I guess I could say back in the day... since it was a Wednesday). Now before you judge me for going against my Catholic faith or have pugnacious thoughts - consider this scenario. You are married. The love of your life is having your first born child; however, you've just been informed that one of two things can happen: You can save the baby and lose your wife, or you can lose the baby and keep your wife. I was once posed this question and it shook my faith a little bit. I sat in wonderment as I found myself not jumping immediately to "No Abortion". After considering myself in this tragic position, I responded saying that I would have to let my wife decide. WHAT? Isn't that the democratic view? Am I not supposed to be a firm Republican - no to abortion, no to gay marriage, yes to the Death Penalty... wait death penalty? Do we follow so far? There is no right or wrong in any of these situations - at least for our human intellect. If anyone knows the right answer, we have to look to Heaven and fold our hands, "praying" (yeah.. i just "played" that word... okay time to quit) that God will grant us with the knowledge of what his will is. Maybe we are supposed to know the answer, but as for me... all these issues have a gray matter in them. There is some ambiguity that limits us from making the correct answer 100% of the time.
Now I have eased into my definition. Remember the slight moment of split personalities I just experienced... Republican or Democrat. Well... since that fateful conversation with Greg, I have determined I am my own party. I am my own unique party. I make my own decisions and I try to choose what I deem the best for myself, and for my fellow countrymen (women - men here is all encompassing of gender - Thank you Judy Wright). Some may call this party the Independent party, but I think a more suitable name is... (you have to know what it is by now) American. I call myself a member of the American party because that party is what America was based off of. Freedom. One word that has an incredibly ambient voice. This party allows you to have the freedom of choice. The freedom to choose for yourself; to be yourself. It gives a person the opportunity to be socially Liberal and economically Conservative. It gives a young man hope that he can do anything - and that he has the power to make the things he desires reality, no matter how incredible or daunting it might be. This American party knows there may be differing opinions in its party, but it knows that without everyone in its party, it is nothing.
That is what we are. We are all Americans. We have the power to choose. We have freedom (and while we are on freedom, let's not forget the extraordinary and valiant souls that are defending that right as I type this). Whatever you may be, I implore you to be American. Not necessarily my definition of a party but, at the very least, a member of our Nation.
For anyone who knows me, my mind likes to jump around and I'm sorry for taking you on a brief tour of my reflections, but it links together in my mind and hopefully it links together for you. The overall message is unity. Remember who we are and where we came from and what we have fought through (reference Mrs. Ann Nixon Cooper - President-Elect Acceptance speech). I know we may not all agree, and I certainly don't agree with everything that Our newly elected President has said, but I see two options. We can all pull together and rally behind our President or we can do what we've done for the past 8 years. Be either negative to, and disrespectful to, our leader or devout to him. I know we've tried one way... and another wise man once told me: “Insanity [is] doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" (Originally: Albert Einstein, but passed on by my Dad).
Lastly: Thesaurus: Best thing to cure boredom.
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